Okay, so here it is: I’m a pretty freaking okay person. I’m alright, but I’m a human – all falliable and stuff. I’m putting that out there because at this point in my life, it’s pretty important for those I interact with to understand that while I have pretty good self-confidence, I’m still a work in progress – or WIP, as the young kids say. Truth is, we’re all in progress, ever evolving into a newer version of ourselves based on our ongoing experiences. And whether or not we’re intentional about it, it’s happening just the same. Related: I’ve never uttered that ‘young kids’ thing before, and it seems like something someone very old would say. Um.
Like most 50-year-old women, I’m at a point of assessment in my life. If I’m optimistic – which is one of my more annoying habits – then half of my life is behind me, and depending on the state of my future bowels, I got another half-century to go. So, it seems fair – smart, even – to look at the past in order to determine if more of the same is appealing to me.
But looking at the past does a lot by way of identifying and spending time with painful memories in order to not repeat them, smacking me in the face with shame, guilt, hurt, or any number of emotions related to events that I simply cannot undo. I don’t need to assess what I don’t want in my future – I already know. So instead I’ve decided to focus on what I do want.
And the tricky part? Staying here, now, and appreciating everything I have, as I focus on something even better.
And that’s what I’m doing: Searching for happiness beyond that damn treadmill I’ve trekked for so long, dripping sweat in exhaustion, unsure exactly what the hell I’m running toward, but with 13,742 things I’m running from. I’m just done running – as is evident by the jean size I just upped. Unsure of how much time I got left in my bank, so Ima find ways to make it good, and enjoy the hell out of it while working my way toward even better. Woop!