In just 14 days, that big ol’ magic half-century age of five-oh will readily become five-one, and another trip around the sun will end, sending me off on the next 365 days of unknown. As I’m prone to do – especially as I get older, I take a look back at the last year, recogninze the cool things I did, and pat myself on the back for my good choices.
Used to be the annual day of celebration was more a whipping post of my life’s failures- specifically as I drank myself into oblivion with a side of mass crazy-lady tears. Last year? No bueno. I’m thankful that my brood still loves me in spite of my ridiculous behaivor on that day of “me”. Ah, memories.
So, as I age I come to reflect on my wins, not my losses, on my successes rather than my failures. And doing so offers more positive self-talk to assist my impaired self-esteem. And in the end? It feels a hell of a letter better than that ol’ whip does, as I flogged myself over things I just cannot change.
Surprisingly, this seemingly small act has allowed for a lot of forgivenss in my life – much more for myself than anyone else. Carrying around that heavy luggage for so long, hanging on to all of those oldies, keeping painful things pinned tightly to my chest, simply didn’t serve me. And I was finally coming to see just how much control I had over that.
So, I’m really working to carry the practice of choosing how I wish to focus my thoughts into my daily life, rather than just on some marked day once a year. I’m learning to become intentional, rather than allowing my auto-pilot to run my decisions – and life! Ya know… “To find yourself, think for yourself,” as my homeboy So-Crates said.
I’m not saying this is an easy task so much as it is practiced – one day at a time and all that. But, hey, looking in the mirror is much easier when you see someone in front of you who is doing their best, working to improve, and picks themselves up after each supposed failure.