Today? I got some bad news. And for the first time in several months, I cried. Okay, okay, that? Is an outright lie. I’ve cried more like 13,742 times in the same timeframe. The difference, however, is that not one single time out of all those mascara-running, red-cheeked, snot-nosed moments were my tears flowing out of frustration or helplessness.
The truth is, I’ve turned into a middle-aged, sappy crybaby of enormous proportions. I thought I was all mush before – always have been, but this is just silly.
Funny how things begin to affect you when you take the time to see them truly. I’m finding everything to be a miracle – from the blooming cherry blossom trees to the way Trixie’s pupils shrink to tiny slits simply because she is relaxed. I’m curious about how things tick. I’m perplexed at the enormity of things that are so simple. And I’m deeply moved by art and music and love. I’m finding myself smiling all the time, and constantly feeling a weird vibrational sense of gratefulness. And I cry about all of it.
So, the good thing is this: That’s where I sit now – feeling more of a sense of gratitude for all I have in my life, all that is around me, and all still out there to see and explore than a sense of despair over what I am facing. I recognize that I’m stupid fortunate to be here with friends who care for me, and with a safe and comfortable place to stay while I work out my puzzles.
Because the truth is? My tough news will work itself out – it’s short-term. I will be okay. And focusing on the pieces of things that I can’t control just makes no sense to me, and only serves to keep me feeling all kinds of shitty about my situation. And how the hell does that help anything?
As my dear friend Suzy Q and I have been discussing over the last few days, every single challenge in our lives so far? We have faced and, dammit, we have overcome exactly 100% of them. May not have been super easy and a bunch of yee-haws, but we fucking did it. And taking a sec to recognize that offers me a whole lot of perspective over things.
My Mom used to say the only way to the other side is through – truth, for sure. And I have control over how I wish to make that journey. So keeping that in mind, Ima solve my puzzle with a big ol’ smile in my heart. Peace out.