I mean, for reals. I couldn’t find my way out of a paper bag – although, while that sounds applicable, I think the idiom is actually “fight your way out of a paper bag”. I don’t quite understand that one, but I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with being directionally challenged. So. We’ll just say that without a fully functioning GPS? Ima lost.

And don’t be giving me any specifications unless a.) I have a writing utensil, and 2.) you use simple instructions like “go forward”, or “turn right” or “ease left”. These directional cues like North, South, East & West? Huh? These are places where witches live – some good, some bad.

All I know is it’s 2023, and my phone, car, watch or any number of electronic devices will que me as to the direction I’m headed if necessary. But the truth is? When the big one hits and we lose power to charge our phones? I won’t know where I am, let alone where the hell to go. So. We’ll just call this an existential mic drop.