Grey Shades of a Human Becoming

“Write fantasy,” he had said, when in my frustration I told him I was struggling with finding words- any words, to put down on the blank page before me. And, because I have the sense of humor of a 15-year-old boy, I giggled and snorted as my mind went directly to lewd and sinister behavior.

If you don’t know this reference, you can’t be my friend.

Considering, however, it was my teenage son offering up the advice, I quickly let loose the idea of sex-infused FanFic, and turned my thoughts to exciting tales of adventure in outer space, thrilling stories of magic and dragons, and fabricated worlds with floating mountains or chocolate waterfalls.


The bulk of my writing has been borne of my own experiences, served with a side of narcism, proverb-esque through the seeds of purpose and round-about storybook morals I have ardently scavenged for, finding jagged pieces scattered within the been-there, done-that. Hey, if I can’t undo any dids – whether done to me or by me, I’m sure as hell going to do my best to find kernels of lessons, tying up my adventures – favorable or not, best I can with a pretty bow and a colorful aphorism I can happily photoshop over some relatable picture as a quotable quote on life’s lessons. And since pretty bows and quotable quotes are long to come by, at least I’m working on becoming, rather than just being.

Candy corn kernels, of course.
Candy corn kernels, of course.

So, writing in this fashion has brought me humility, prompting me to be adamant in my findings of reason- when otherwise none may be found, encouraging me to retract my long accusing finger from stabbing at another- whether merited or not, and grounding myself in my search for personal responsibility- when I contrarily might hold tightly to my victimization. And, when it comes down to it, like most people, I’ve been on both sides of the blame game. And either way, I got hit in the face.

Well this looks familiar.
Well, this looks familiar.

My writing is, first and foremost, for me, and what I have produced thus far has been my very own metaphorical mallet that I tap against my skull every now and again to encourage myself to learn from my own bullshit – as well how to handle the bullshit imposed upon me by real life – and sometimes, by myself. (See? Humility, Bitches!) Fantasy writing? Could not be much more adverse than such reality-based prose.

Opposites? Maybe. But, nothing wrong with a cute kitty pic

Whether or not I take Ashton’s advice to write fantasy – whether literal or in a shade of grey, not only remains to be seen, but is hardly the point. He has reminded me to use my imagination, to reach for something more, and to keep in mind IF at least as often as IS.

What if?
What if?

So I’m thinking on stepping outside of the comfortable little box I’m stuffed into and stretching my legs a bit. In my writing, I have tried to honor the value in self-observance, and the wisdom in seeking to learn from past choices- both good and bad, but in doing so, have placed less emphasis on envisioning a life unseen, creating a life unknown. My boot has stuck on being, disallowing becoming– always observing, often learning, and rarely creating.

More truth.

And at 42, time ain’t going backward any. While it is nothing I fear, nothing I expect to trick, and surely nothing I wish to avoid forever, I would like to use time to the very best of my advantage. After all, that Croc and his clock are following us all, and one day he’ll catch up to every last one of us. And I for one? Want to go out like a BAMF.


7 thoughts on “Grey Shades of a Human Becoming

  1. Hi Katie –

    Katie – I love it! You always write with razor wit:) So are you actually going to write Fantasy? That and Sci Fi would feed your nerd/ygeeky side:)

    I too want to go out like a BAMF! I’ve started the process – I am going to India in early March for 6 weeks. I signed up for yoga teacher training in Rishikesh, a holy city in Northern India close to Nepal and Tibet. 4 weeks of 12 hour days, 6 days a week to get my teaching certificate. After I will have two weeks to wander India. I have a few things I will definitely see ( two safaris – tigers, elephants and bears – oh my!), but I will try to control my tendency to plan everything down to the minute.

    I have thrown the whole trip and training on a credit card – everything is non refundable so I can’t weasel out. I am not even applying for work and have canceled all my future interviews. If I did get hired I would likely take the job and play it safe.

    I am taking a risk . Its about time. I’m ready for an adventure . . .

    You need to come stay for a few days. No worries – I am wine free! Tee hee . . need to be in the best health for training:)

    Love you –

    You big sister

    1. No I didn’t mean to publish that story I’m working on, have no clue how it happened- or how you saw it since I had deleted it. Then I couldn’t reply to you because it was deleted! Weird. But it’s a funny story and I’m working on it now. 🙂 xoxo

  2. You be incredible! ! Such talent!! See you soon. Driving north next weekend. Love, and more love

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